For Caregivers
If you are married to, the parent of, or living with a brain tumor patient, then you are a caregiver. You may not even realize that you are a caregiver, because 100% of your focus is on your loved one, the brain tumor patient.
Caregiving
You may be on what we call “the brain tumor treadmill,” a cycle of repetitive stress, worry, work, cook, clean, grocery shop, worry, find the cure for brain tumors, worry, visit doctors, search for treatments, worry, feel guilty, worry. You might not have anyone to talk to about YOUR fears. You might not be sleeping well, which causes more mental and physical stress. Maybe you think it will upset your loved one to discuss your worries and your fears. You might have an unsympathetic boss or workplace, maybe your extended family or your spouse’s extended family just does not understand, or they are so worried and upset about their son or daughter that they can’t see that you need help too.
As caregivers, it’s very hard to admit we need help. But, continuing on the “treadmill” can have devastating and life-long effects on your physical and emotional health. You alone as the caregiver cannot find the cure for cancer, and you cannot take care of everything and fix everything yourself. Unfortunately, most people will not realize that you need help. We caregivers are very good at playing super-mom, dad, wife, husband, partner, brother, sister. We think we can handle it all by ourselves, and don’t realize the damage we are actually causing to our own health. In order to be a better caregiver, we must also take care of ourselves. If you are a caregiver, YOU NEED TO ASK FOR HELP!!
How to Help Caregivers checklist
If someone asks what you need, or if you need anything, don’t be shy, hand them this list:
Wonderful Ways to Help Caregivers and Brain Tumor Patients
- Pick up milk, juice, chicken, etc. for us. Or call me from the grocery store and ask me for a short list of things we need.
- Call me. I am so stressed and worried, I really need a friend (or mom, dad, sister, brother) to talk to.
- Help me with the laundry. I have been so busy, the laundry is really piling up.
- Come over and help me clean a little. Low blood counts from chemo mean we have to be extra careful about germs, so helping me keep the kitchen and bathrooms clean would really help.
- Please offer to watch our kids when we have doctor’s appointments.
- Have our kids over for dinner (or for a weekend or a movie) it would relieve a little stress for me and also give them a chance to have some fun.
- Drop off pre-made meals occasionally that we can heat up, it would save a lot of time for us.
- Offer to go out to lunch, dinner with me. I really need a break from all my stress and would love even just an hour of “normal” time.
- Come visit “us” in the hospital. The hospital is so lonely and scary sometimes, it would really help all of us to have a friendly face around.
- Take a walk, bike ride or go to an exercise class with me. I need to relieve my stress with exercise, but I am so stressed out and worried I could really use some encouragement.
- Keep calling us, even if only to leave cheery messages on the machine. We have been so busy with the hospital and doctors that we haven’t had time to return your call . We need positive encouragement, and your messages are precious to us.
- Pray with us and for us. Please set up a prayer chain or some sort of link with our church. We need lots of encouragement and support right now.
- Be patient with me. I am a caregiver for a brain tumor patient and it is the scariest and most stressful thing I have ever done. I am so worried, and stressed out; I might be upset, frustrated and angry, which may come across as being snippy or argumentative. Please understand that I need your love and support, but I am having a hard time reaching out.